Sunday, September 1, 2013

My Higher Power

Hello everyone! I hope this post finds you improving every day if you're in recovery, and better and
more tolerant, if you're living and loving a recovering alcoholic/addict.

This post is inspired by my viewing of a movie on television tonight, that had a certain commercial playing over and over again throughout the movie.

This particular commercial was about a recovery center.

Good! you might think. Yay! getting the word out, you might think.

No, not good, not yay.

What do I mean not good? Why would I say that?

This particular commercial clearly stated that it was a program that was not associated with the "Twelve Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous".

My first thought was, oh great, they've taken God (my Higher Power) out of everything else, now, believe it or not, they've taken him out of recovery.

Now I don't know the statistics of recovering addicts in this program that doesn't include the twelve steps, but I personally know I couldn't be in my 15th year of recovery without My Higher Power, and the "Twelve Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous".

I just don't think it's possible to heal the mind, body, and soul, without both of them.

If you're not sure what the "Twelve Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous" is, here's a previous post I wrote about them:

Another sad part about this program is that they probably charge an enormous amount of money for it. I sure hope it works, but I doubt it.

Please don't give away your hard earned money to a program that doesn't include your Higher Power.
Please don't believe that you can get sane and sober without God.

Have you been to one of these centers? Did it work for you? I'd love to know.

Until we meet again,

Catbaluue aka Kathy

Saturday, January 26, 2013

What keeps a person from success?

This was my Google question when I started out 2 years ago.
 What keeps a person from success?
I have the answer now.
For me, it's fear.

I've been online since August, 2011, trying to find my place, my niche, my way of earning a living, a sustainable income. I kept wondering why nothing seemed to be working for me. I'd see everybody else doing it. I couldn't figure out why I was being left out. I'd ask myself these questions all the time:

Why can't I do that? Why do they have all the luck? What am, I, doing wrong?

The saying we learn in AA, "it works, if you work it", stands true in other areas of our life as well.

It is with an abundance of prayer, determination, hard work, a willingness to learn, change, and a strong desire to, want, to succeed, that one does. A "keep coming back", attitude, that pushes you forward.

A constant flow of wonderful people telling you over and over in different ways that

YOU CAN DO IT!, always helps too.

If I don't make it, it's because I'm afraid. Other people didn't have luck. They weren't better than me. They just worked and studied hard, and continue to work and study hard every day. What I was doing wrong, was allowing my fear to stop me.

Every step I made toward success, I ran two steps back. If I'm going to succeed, I'm going to have to move forward without fear. I know, as long as I do the next right thing, I CAN, and will, be successful.

For an alcoholic, one minute, one hour, one day of sobriety is success.

But some day, you're going to want more than sobriety.

So until we meet again.

I wish you well.

In the words of our dear Lord, "Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world." Matthew 28:20


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

"Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake"...

I hate meetings.

I hate Higher Power.

I hate anyone who has a program.

To all who come into contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself: I am the disease of addiction.

Cunning, Baffling and Powerful, that's me.

I have killed millions and I am pleased.

I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? I was there.

I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. You can't feel anything at all. This is true glory.

I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering.

I've been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all things good in our life.

People don't take me seriously.

They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be made possible.

I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a twelve-step program.
                               Your program,
                                         your meetings,
                                                   your higher power.
        All weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly.
You don't see me, but I am growing, bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live.
When you live, I only exist.

But I am here....and until we meet again,
                                                         if we meet again-- I wish you death and suffering.

I'M YOUR DISEASE....anonymous

That's powerful! But it's not as powerful as our faith in our Higher Power and our Twelve Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

On the back of the piece of paper this is written on I wrote some notes. I got this about 18 years ago, when I first entered AA. This is the notes I wrote:

On awakening, we look to the twenty four hours ahead. We make our plan. We ask God to keep us sane and sober for this twenty four hours, and to direct our comings and goings.

And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, or thing, or situation--some fact of my life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.   pg. 449

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake...    excerpt from Alcoholics Anonymous 3rd edition...

                                                          Have a great day!!



Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I Am The Miracle...

This is another verse that comes from Alcoholics Anonymous. It's one of my favorites.
This one has worried me from the very first time I heard it.

I love a challenge, but I love a challenge that I know I'll eventually figure out. For years I wondered what the miracle could possibly be. And worrying about it kept me up at night.

This verse fit my life in other ways too, because I always used to quit stuff a lot. I can't think of too many things I actually didn't give up on, but when I heard this saying, I changed. I started finishing  projects, and it felt good. To finally not give up, felt good. I started to tell my kids, "Finish what you start.", all the time. And I actually began to finish what I started.

And when one day, and then a week, and then year after year went by, and I remained sober. I finally understood it.
To stay sober, to have my mind become clear, and to be able to make good choices everyday, is a miracle. To consistently change myself, and admit when I'm wrong, is a miracle.

I Am The Miracle

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


When I first started going to AA meetings I wasn't exactly sure it was going to work for me. But I desperately needed it to. I was at the end of the line.... The bottom of the barrel.... So I kept going and I kept listening.

There was one person in particular I was always anxious to see and even more anxious to hear.

At AA meetings if you want to share, you can. If you don't want to say anything at all you can do that too.

Here's a poem I wrote in honor of a fellow AA member. I haven't seen him in a very long time. But I will remember him and his story for the rest of my life...

I’ve sat in rooms full of strangers before and felt at total ease.
I came; to know them.
I’ve listened to them speak of times gone by, these strangers.
And I began; to love them.
An old man got up to speak one day.
He said,” I know you’ve heard this story before, and you might not want to hear it again, but it’s the only one I’ve got”… He smiled..and started to tell his story.
We all, a room full of strangers, listened, again. With our hearts open, we clinged on to every word as if it was the first time we ever heard it spoken before..
A man’s story is sacred after all… and should be treated as such.
Where are you, old man? I want to hear your story again...


The image above came from a wonderful person on facebook. I don't know if she would want me to give her name, but she gave me permission to use her photos.. Thank you very much!
I don't know if the man I wrote the poem for is still alive. If he is and he's still in AA. I know he's still tellin that story and I know he's alright...

FaithWalker is also a great person and my friend on facebook. We grew up together and just recently became friends again not long ago. He has great faith in God and has a wonderful page Called, Let There Be Praise! Here's the link if you want to see it...Let There Be Praise..



Monday, March 5, 2012

Stop lookin in the rear view mirror, you're not going that way...

 I like that.

Every time I start lookin back, I run into something.

Of course in order to help others and share my experience, strength, and hope. I must look back. But I do so after much prayer and much understanding that it's over. I'm done with it. I've let it all go except when I can use my past to help someone else. And also because I never want to forget what brought me, here.

Here, where I'm content and happy and free...

Lots of people wait to join Alcoholics Anonymous because they think we're a bunch of losers. They think all we do is sit around and cry and moan and groan because we can't drink anymore. That's not the case. We do cry. But we laugh a lot too.

When you work the steps and let go of all that stuff. The world opens up. You can go about life with a confidence you've never known before. You can do things that you only dreamed of. With God and Alcoholics Anonymous and faith and hard work. You can do anything!

Anything, except drink.

I am free from my past. I can choose where I want to go and what I want to do. All I need to do, is let God, lead....


Sunday, March 4, 2012

(Results May Vary)

I like this image because the results of my recovery depend on my presence,, and what I contribute while I am. Even though I've gotten on the right track it doesn't mean I will automatically go anywhere. My journey and how far I go, depends on me.

After I pray for guidance from my Higher Power, I then have to put into action what He has instructed me to do. I have to move. I have to work. I have to. I can rely on the knowledge that He will stay with me, and lead me, and help me in every way. But at some point I have to apply the things that I've learned. Or else I become just present. Existing rather than living. Just sober, which is great!, but there comes a time when I have to be more than just sober.

I asked my sponsor, "What do you do when you finish working the Steps?" Without batting an eye, he replied, "You lie really still, because you're dead!" --unknown 

I saw this on facebook today and lol'ed!!

That's what I've been saying all along. I have to work the steps every day, for the rest of my life, one day at a time, or I'll just be present. I don't want to just be present. I want to see and do and enjoy and keep moving. I want to get all that I can out of this great journey of recovery with Alcoholics Anonymous.

So I say to my Higher Power, lead on....

footnotes: Don't worry.... It'll all fall into place and happen as it's supposed to.... Just keep movin forward.... I'd also like to thank all those who allow me to share their images. Especially:

I'd also like to share Max Lucado's link to his wonderful, beautiful website. He has been an inspiration in my life for many years. One of his many websites is:

Thank you all.

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